It’s funny to me that there was a moment when I thought August would be chill.
(Pssst … you can listen to the article by hitting play here just below.)
August is as far from chill for me as possible.
Not that I’m complaining. In fact, in many ways, I’m completely thrilled.
Though this is a bit of a foreign feeling for me, I’m taking a moment to remind myself that I’m accomplishing what I want to accomplish.
Do you do that? Do you stop and really, truly give yourself credit where credit is due?
I’m not referring to self-appreciation and pride in some oovy-groovy way. Nor do I mean it in a #socialmediabrag way. I mean: do you feel proud of yourself?
Think about it. I’ll wait.
I’m hoping the answer is yes. If you’re reading this, my guess is you’re a lifelong learner and, like me, are endlessly searching for new tools and resources to be more efficient, calm, and maybe even joyful. So you probably already know that it’s important to celebrate your badassery—your accomplishments, your evolution, and your healthy new habits.
But practicing that—actually feeling in your bones that you’re doing a smashing job at life, or even one tiny part of life—is a whole other can of chickpeas (while we’re on the subject: when and why are worms in a can?).
When this year started, I was down in the dumps.
There were a lot of things I wanted to shift and launch, but for a variety of reasons, I felt stuck. I had a job that wasn’t quite working anymore but I didn’t feel I could leave. I was struggling with depression but for whatever reason didn’t feel I could go on antidepressants. And I was increasingly frustrated by feeling as though I was existing on everyone else’s timeline, only being reactive—rarely proactive—and questioning why I’ve gone down the professional paths I’ve chosen.
It’s fascinating to talk about, actually. Because it’s not as though I see myself now as the “after picture.”
Well, let me correct that: I’m always the after picture for something, but I’m also the before picture for something else. We all are.
The idea that there’s just a before and after creates a binary that, frankly, makes me wince. Life is just not like that. It’s a constant highway. Sometimes there are road closures, reroutes, bad weather conditions, gorgeous rainbows in the distance, periods of time with no other cars on the road, and the occasional flat tire.
So—take it from someone who formerly waited to appreciate my shifts or celebrate my small victories. I constantly undervalued my achievements because I knew that the next part of it would unfold in a few days, or a few weeks, or a few years … and then I would pat myself on the back. I almost had a superstition around stopping to appreciate, celebrate, or even acknowledge.
Truthfully, it does absolutely change your attitude and mood when you stop for a moment to recognize how far you’ve come.
And if a voice starts to pop in that says, “yeah, but …,” tell it to buzz off.
The “yeah but” voice is old, my friends … ooooold. Old as in probably older than you (and you’re really old). At some point either in your life or maybe the life of your parents or grandparents, someone had to be on guard. Shit was desperate, the enemies were near. Being on guard was a matter of survival.
What an accomplishment, therefore, that you have held on to this incredibly helpful (albeit antiquated) superpower! It’s understandable that you have. (Feel free to pat yourself on the back for that.)
Lately, I have been caught using old scripts and getting stuck in old stories. In the past, I approached so many aspects of my life from a place of fear that it’s sometimes still caught in my muscle memory.
Here’s an example: I started a business last month, basically transforming my freelance work into an LLC and letting everything I do fall beneath that umbrella (except Our Hen House, which is a nonprofit, so that’s handled separately). I left my full-time job (but stayed on as a consultant). It was a bold jump, and one I am completely thrilled I did.
Without expecting this, I hit the ground running, landing a very substantial ghost-writing project almost immediately—making my idea of a “chill August” laughable now.
And so, with the hecticness of my schedule back in the forefront of my mind, and my well-worn juggling skills trying to magically keep all the balls in the air while on this intense writing deadline, it would be very easy for me to fall back into using anxiety to power through.
Because using anxiety to power through is something I am very, very good at doing.
I have developed some kind of schlocky blend of OCD mixed with constant looping about what it is I have to do … mixed with generalized anxiety disorder … mixed with proclaiming left and right how busy I am. It’s not a good look. And it effectively wastes most of my time (not to mention the time of the person I’m kvetching to).
But now, I’m trying to create new neural pathways. I can still get my work done and stick to my deadlines without making my life miserable in the process. And for me, a big part of that lies in my newfound ability to really take in where I am now.
I think this kind of intentionality is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Without it, we’ll just go through our whole lives waiting for the next thing, instead of just taking in what’s around us and feeling proud of our work to get where we are.
There’s a lot I have in common with the January version of Jasmin: I am still trying to slay my schedule, while also working in plenty of refueling time. I am still struggling a bit with that, to be honest. And I’m still the adult version of who I’ve always been—sensitive, driven, and trying to move forward in a different (less dramatic) way than I used to.
But the difference between the then-me and the now-me is that now, I am more and more able to be in the present, which also means celebrating the little (and big) things for what they are now, not what they will become tomorrow. Because even though I fancy myself an amateur witch, none of us really knows what tomorrow will have in store.
Take a look at your life right now to see what I mean. Are you frustrated because you haven’t achieved something you’ve been working toward? Is there a way you can flip that to be proud of the parts you have?
I’m not suggesting you gaslight yourself; remain realistic about your long-term goals here, and be schematic in the ways you intend to get there. But I’ve found an act as simple as giving yourself credit for your hard work is both invigorating and mood-altering.
Here are some prompts to get you started:
“I’m halfway through the project I never thought I’d start!” Pat back.
“That’s a real solid draft of my thesis. Wow, and to think that it used to just be a vague concept.” Pat back.
“I just had a conversation with my sister where I didn’t get annoyed at her once. The recovery work I’ve been doing seems to be paying off.” Pat back.
Switching from being a lifelong curmudgeon and worrywart to someone who is noticing the ways I’ve grown has been incredibly powerful for me. For the first time in so long, when people ask me how I am, I don’t stifle an urge to say “terrible”—because even when I’m having a shitty day, I don’t feel terrible (for too long). I’m still able to maintain perspective and celebrate where I am and where I have come from.
So in the middle of my hectic August—where I am still doing my best to master the art of saying no to more projects, trusting in myself that I’m on the right path, and still learning the ways I can be better at proactive measures rather than reactive—I concurrently am thinking: Wow. I’ve really come far. I’m proud of that.
How about you?
xo,
jazz
jasmin! i love this and i love you!
re: "August is as far from chill"... that makes sense because it's a very hot month!
re: "I’m completely thrilled" ... i'm completely thrilled that you're completely thrilled!
august, more thrill than chill!
re: "Do you stop and really, truly give yourself credit where credit is due?"
great question! thank you!
re: "oovy-groovy"
great word!
re: "when and why are worms in a can?"
GREAT question!
re: "I’m always the after picture for something, but I’m also the before picture for something else. We all are."
that is wonderful. also we're the DURING picture for right now! (credit to mitch hedberg who asked "where are all the During pictures?"
re: "I’m trying to create new neural pathways"
i bet you're doing it!
putting the "new" in "newral"
(i'm creating new spelling pathways)
re: "I fancy myself an amateur witch"
i fancy you that as well!
re: "none of us really knows what tomorrow will have in store"
oh i do
(ask me in two days and i'll tell you)
i love it all! i love you! thank you for sharing all this!
Love this. Life is hard enough without us being hard on ourselves. I power through too often and it catches up to you. I seem to only slow down when I get hurt. Now I have a broken arm which is making me so grateful for health insurance, a job where I can work from home and a caring husband. The goal I've been working towards for 17 years is getting a black belt, but I keep getting hurt trying to achieve it. Now I am seriously thinking about abandoning that goal. I'm not sure I have much to pat myself on the back about with martial arts anymore. It's a struggle for me right now because I don't want to be a quitter, but I'm literally broken because of practicing it.