"Who am I, anyway?"

A line from my favorite musical asks quite the existential question.

Darlings,

When I was a little kid, I was completely obsessed with A Chorus Line. My first memory of hearing it was while I was with my mother, waiting in an ungodly long line of vehicles to get her car registration updated. She popped the cassette into the player, and I knew immediately that I wanted to be in this poignant and powerful show one day. Though that has not happened (but the night’s still young?), I have made it my practice to sing the song “Nothing” whenever it randomly shows up on a karaoke list (most memorably for me, anyway, at San Francisco’s bar, The Mint).

I tell that story partly because I hope that I’m sufficiently giving at least one of my reader’s an earworm and partly to contextualize the subject of today’s Substack: “Who am I, anyway?”

That comes from the song “I Hope I Get It,” which is about a bunch of actors auditioning for a musical (meta, I know).

Recently, a variety of people in my life — friends, clients, colleagues — have been grappling with the question of what they want to stand for on the day-to-day. I’ve written quite a bit about how to tap into our personal value system (short version: use this list), but today, I want to touch on the importance of keeping those values, and the habits that support them, front and center — especially when life’s hecticness takes over.

I’m pretty sure you’ve been here: You go through a real moment of self-growth, of looking internally, and of doing the hard work to implement major shifts in behavior and mindset. You have a renewed sense of purpose, and you feel well-equipped to handle those things that are flung your way.

But as the days pass, you start to recognize that all that hard work you did is feeling further and further away. Crap! Did you waste your time? Some days, all you can do is get through the day, getting as many chores done as there is time for and doing your best to meet your work deadlines. That heavy weight you feel from time to time creeps in again, and old thought processes and habits do too.

Sound familiar? If so, first of all, know that you are in the company of literally billions of people (including me).

And let me remind all of us that the process of figuring shit out and then forgetting what you figured out and then figuring it out again is us being in our work and on our journey.

That’s life, baby. The work is not for naught, even if you aren’t always, ya know, Zen …

But back to the question at hand (sponsored by Broadway musicals of the 1970s): who are you, anyway?

Figuring this out (and zeroing in on your values and current take on your life purpose) is a whole different animal than what you are doing each day to support your identity and values.

So if you are a writer — if that is your main interest, and being regularly compensated and/or recognized for it is your main goal — then what is your daily practice? Are you prioritizing it, or is it always getting bumped down on the list because the dry-cleaning needs to be picked up, or you are desperately seeking organic kumquats, or you finally decided to go through your whole closet and determine which of your twelve pairs of khakis brings you joy?

It’s really simple, right? Or should I say: It’s really simple … write!

For me, I explicitly tie this practice (in my case, it is writing — and, for the record, I don’t own khakis!) into my overall goal: to create media that invites others to rethink their relationship with the world. It shakes out in audio broadcasting and writing, so I really need to take those two activities seriously. The organic kumquats can wait.

If all of this seems super obvious, let me be honest with you: the reason I’m devoting today’s Substack to remind you to do the meaningful, oftentimes creative things you say you want to do, is that there is a commonality amongst some of the people I work with in that they truly struggle with this.

It’s common, y’all, and it makes sense: Putting aside the thing you really want to do is both easy (there are khakis to donate!) and convenient (it can be scary to actually take that step to pursue our dream). Especially when life is being … lifey.

So let’s go back to that musical again: who are you, anyway? A writer? So write. A dancer? So dance. A khaki-collector? Just stop.

If this is resonating with you — if your dream, goal, or badass skill you have that you want and need to exercise is being deferred for whatever reason — but you don’t know where to start, then let me try to help you with that.

What’s one action you can take today to bring you closer to that vision of yourself you want to be? Maybe it means calendaring in daily writing time and creating a physical space to make that easier. Maybe it means finally getting those new vegan tap shoes
(<—more on this another time, y’all) and signing up for a summer dance class (mine starts tomorrow!). Or, on a different tact completely, maybe you are always wanting to be closer to your partner, but that intimacy feels unreachable … can you schedule a date night for this week and make dinner reservations somewhere fancy?

Let go of what it means in the long run for you to take that one action today. Because that action — that one single action — can get you closer to answering that question: who am I, anyway?

Here are examples of previous actions I’ve taken when I, too, found myself getting caught in the mayhem of the attention economy and thus distancing myself from my own goal:

• I prioritized getting a new agent (working on it daily and bringing someone in to help with the admin side of it)

• I wrote from 6-8am every morning (I just popped up in bed and started)

• I started this Substack, partly to hold myself accountable and partly to work out my thoughts about writing, time management, and other shit

These actions wound up being rituals. They were baked into my life, and it required willpower and commitment to see them through. With time, they morphed, but the habits and actions remained of utmost importance.

And if you are really busy and there are giant demands on you right now, start small — even 5 minutes a day — but, start. Bonus points if you have a pal you can tell about your plans so that they can help hold you accountable.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go listen to A Chorus Line. It’s been a hot minute since I have sung “Nothing” at the top of my lungs. (And, to my neighbors: you’re welcome.)

xo,

jazz

P.S. For those of you interested in talking to me about coaching, I just had a client finish her sessions with me, so I have one space open. Email me by clicking the button at the bottom of this hyperlinked page.

P.P.S. Here are some of the pieces of media I’ve helped to create since last we spoke:

1. “Surging vegan food demand inspires RIT to trade tenderloin for tempeh.” Read and listen to my story on WXXI.

2. On the VegNews podcast, my latest interviews are with Bob Barker (yep, him!) and Pinky Cole. (Since this is a fairly new podcast, please also consider leaving a friendly review wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you!)

3. On the Our Hen House podcast, we published my interview with the incredibly inspiring teen activist and actor Aiyana Goodfellow. Also don’t miss Mariann’s OHH interview with Chris Allieri, who is on a mission to save NYC’s Piping Plover.