Where Did I Go?

And what happened to me in the interim?

Dear Readers,

Let me start off by apologizing for disappearing. I should have explained earlier that I went into an incredibly busy time and needed to put my head down and focus.

In retrospect, however, I clearly didn’t prioritize Substack — and I think I should have. I’m back now, and hopefully, you’re all still there …

I’m writing this from a plane. Aside from a forthcoming stopover in NYC, I’m heading back to Rochester. I was lucky enough to be in Telluride, CO for the past few days, taking part in my executive coach’s Impact Salon.

What that means, put simply, is that (in addition to my one-on-one coaching), I’ve been taking part in a mastermind-type thing. The four of us in the cohort (plus our fab coach) are each committed to shedding belief systems (and, therefore, situations) that no longer serve us, and take a giant leap into who we want to be tomorrow.

It’s actually tomorrow now, if you look at it from the POV of yesterday … and I do feel that I’ve been morphing into the Jasmin I want to be.

How I’m shifting

Most pressingly, I’ve let go of:

• saying I’m sorry for taking up space, or for being straightforward, or for accommodating someone else’s comfort level to the detriment of my own

• feeling I need to keep all doors open all the time, and therefore taking on projects that might be cool, but they dilute the other work I do too much to be sustainable

• overpacking my schedule (and yes, you’ve heard me say that before … but I think shedding the aforementioned belief that all doors need to stay open will inevitably help me take a large break in the middle of the day, on days when I start work at 5am — which is happening more and more as I guest-host other shows at WXXI with more regularity)

• compulsive habits, such as buying something without the thoughtfulness I like to bring to my choices (and perhaps this is easier said than done, but I’ve been working a lot on the core of compulsive behaviors and have developed many tools around this)

Why I’m shifting

There are many values I stand for. Among them are connection, justice, fun, family, and creativity.

During our retreat in Telluride, one of the exercises we did was to take mindfulness hikes. One hike focused on what we saw, one on what we smelled, and one on what we heard. The point, of course, was to really hone in on our mindfulness and presence in the moment.

And it was so meaningful to me. Of course, all we really have is right now. There is a lot of beauty around us, and I know I’ve missed many of those moments thanks to my hustling.

Don’t get me wrong: I love hustling. I really enjoy being a highly ambitious person, and that is not going anywhere. My career will not wane, but it will hopefully become more thoughtful and focused.

What this means in practice

Well, here’s what I think it means:

• Prioritizing creative time every day

• Being much more realistic regarding the amount of unstructured time I need to bake in. This time might be when I choose to work out, walk the dog(s), eat lunch, take a mindfulness walk, or unplug. Previously, even on days when I’d start working at 5am, I’d schedule every single minute, because I felt like I could handle it. But, at what price?

• When I get anxious because something is not done, I’m going to do my best to intercept my thoughts. That’s not to say I can’t, or won’t, get anxious … in some ways, I think my anxiety can fuel me in good ways. But I want to save my anxiety for things that really matter. I absolutely must let more things go.

• And so I will pause more often. I want to ask myself if the thing that has to get done now is really that important. Or if my (oftentimes, though not always) self-propelled deadlines are really as rigid as I made myself believe?

• In my pauses, I also want to check in with myself — the tomorrow-version of me, not the yesterday-version — and ask myself if what behavior I’m about to partake in is really in my best interest. I’ve created some accountability around this, too.

• Sometimes, I get really uncomfortable for whatever reason. Maybe I’m lonely, or procrastinating, or antsy. I think that sometimes, we are just allowed to sit in our discomfort. It will inevitably pass. I want to be more conscious of sitting in my discomfort when it comes up, as opposed to trying to fix it or trying to fill that void with something that isn’t in my best interest.

So who do I want to be?

Well, of course, I want to be Voprah … that’s “Vegan Oprah.”

Another way of putting it: I want to create media that invites people to think about the world and their relationship to it in a different way.

I intend to keep doing that by writing books (including fiction), producing podcasts, and hosting radio shows.

Additionally, through my own work as a coach, and through the Our Hen House flock, I want to create spaces that support activists and those strengthening their justice work. This is partly accomplished through building safe spaces, and partly by inviting others to mentor those who value advocacy work.

So, yes: Voprah. It’s been that way for a while, but I think I’ve kept the lane too wide.

Narrowing that lane is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Or, should I say, it’s one of the hardest things I’m doing, since I’m still in the process of narrowing.

The truth is, it terrifies me to (warning: another metaphor coming in 3 … 2 … ) shut a door. I am not so sure whether that’s a people-pleasing thing, exactly, or if it’s just the fact that I want to do basically everything.

And, my goodness: it has been a Herculean act to really get it inside my head that I can’t do everything or be everyone.

But that doesn’t mean what I do will be any less valuable. I’m pretty sure the opposite will shake out: I will be more successful in my life — both professionally and personally — by being way more intentional about what I choose, and by giving myself the space that’s necessary to pause, create, refuel, and relax. That does not make me a sellout. (I’m talking to you, person in the mirror!)

What about Substack?

I am not going anywhere!

I am still here, and I love this platform — and you, my darling readers — more than I can properly articulate.

The only thing that has changed is this: Whereas I used to (try very hard to) post every week, I need to be a bit more flexible with that, if you don’t mind. I’ll still aim for a weekly post, though there will be times when two, or possibly occasionally three, weeks will go by before the update.

Thank you for still being here. And thank you for still being you. You make it easier for me to be me.

xo,

jazz

P.S. Here are some of the things I’ve done since last we spoke:

I guest-hosted the WXXI radio talk show, Connections. Here are the shows, in case you want to take a listen (which you can also do on your favorite podcatcher):

• Solving the mystery of menopause

• Discussing green burials

• Solutions to cat overpopulation

• Rochester’s future of filmmaking

• What is a regenerative economy?

• The history of the LGBTQ+ movement in Rochester

I’ve also written and produced a fair amount of radio pieces, some of which you can peruse here.

Our Hen House has been going strong! Here is my favorite interview that I’ve done in the past few months. Spoiler alert … The Tiny Chef (the actual TINY CHEF!) made a surprise appearance!