Last week, I went on an epic trip to the city for a back-to-back series of meetings, networking events, parties, and conferences. As you might know from my tragic love story of NYC, Manhattan and I have a complex, passionate, ongoing affair. After living there for nearly twenty years and then moving to California (Northern then Southern), I landed in Rochester this past summer due to a host of reasons—predominantly, the relatively promising long-term climate projections.
So when life takes me back to the city—and when I’m able to convince myself that regular Covid testing, plus the booster shot, plus double-masking—will be safe enough (for now)—I gather my wits and plan a whirlwind trip. My city jaunts can never be very long due to our four animal companions (Moore deserves “Wife of the Year” for taking on full responsibilities while I was gone), so I need to make these brief trips count. And since I’m also still working full-time during my gallivants, there are other logistics I need to have in place: strong, uninterrupted wifi; regular access to caffeine; and enough downtime that hyper-focus is easily possible.
Which is how I found myself in a private Amtrak “bedroom” (well, office) for an epic, 7.5-hour trip down to the city (a flight would take less than an hour but I’m not flying unless absolutely necessary these days). On both Tuesday (my trip there) and Friday (my trip back), Amtrak was my workspace, which left Wednesday and Thursday completely full with extended early morning office hours and a flurry of work-related activities that required me to be entirely on.
Now, I identify as an introvert. Even though I can basically hear my close friends and family laughing at me as they read this, I’ll begrudgingly add that I’m probably cuspy—halfway between introvert and extrovert, but absolutely in need of my own private time to decompress following any event that requires me to present at Type-A. This also means that putting myself out there comes along with preliminary angst and nervousness, which is how I spent the majority of my time in the city last week (when I wasn’t weeping while watching Patti LuPone in Company, that is).
All of this has left me thinking about networking—when to do it, why to do it, and how to do it with grace.
Another word for networking is “connecting.” In other words, you don’t have to go to “a networking event” to officially be networking. Thinking of it like this can remove some of the pressure we feel to perform, impress, or (dare I say) get (or give!) something beneficial. If we think of it as connecting and remove ourselves from any expectations of the outcome, we will set free those darling butterflies (they don’t want to be in your stomach any more than you want them there).
We are but the vessels. One of the events I went to in the city was one in which I was representing multiple media outlets. Though I truly love being in that position, I also can find it somewhat intense—as if I owe things (like media coverage or one-on-one meetings) to eager people. Another event I went to, however, was one in which I might describe myself as the bottom rung of the ladder, which can feel intimidating. Prior to both events, I had lunch with my friend Myq who gently reminded me that I’m both totally important and remarkably unimportant. He advised me to lean into the opposite feeling (go into the event I was covering feeling unimportant and the one where I was but a peon feeling important), and he also said I’d probably find some kind of serenity in the in-between. I found this Buddha-adjacent tip super useful and it allowed me to separate myself from my ego long enough to not be concerned with others’ opinions (the truth is, I’m way more focused on others’ opinions or desires of me than they are). This mindset is also how I manage to not hide in a paper bag any time I’m interviewed about my memoir; I recognize that when others read the book, it becomes entirely about them and not about me at all. We are just the vessels of our messages sometimes; we are neither important nor unimportant (or, we are arguably both, concurrently).
Be genuinely curious (especially if you’re feeling awkward). One of the parties I went to last week was fancy-schmancy and I was worried I would have no idea who to talk to. Though that was mostly not true, there were definitely a few unpleasant moments when I was in between conversations, and all around me, there were clusters of women chatting as if they were all old besties finally confessing their lifelong adoration. The way I dealt with this was, first, to walk around quickly and pointedly, as if I was looking for the bathroom or the bar area (admittedly, I was probably indeed searching for both); and, second, to listen up around me for conversation-starters in the snippets of chats I overheard—then to hop in and ask a question I was genuinely curious about. At most parties, this type of “sorry to interrupt, but …” chatter is very much expected and organic. The hard part becomes how to break into the chat. Though it felt weird for me to just invite myself into a conversation, I can absolutely guarantee that nobody else found it odd—especially if the conversation starter was authentic and open-ended.
There are other tips on networking that are widely available—such as how to prepare ahead of time, especially if you know the guest list; the necessity of focusing on gathering information rather than outright asking for a job; the importance of focusing on what you can offer someone instead of coming across as clamoring or needy; and, finally, the value of follow-up thank yous and connections.
These are all valuable tips for networking, but I find that the most useful thing to keep in mind is that I tend to take myself way more important than others take me, and the same is probably true about the person on my left. We were all little kids once. Most of us are just doing our best in any given moment.
All we really need to do is keep moving forward with humility, curiosity, gentleness, and kindness to those around us—and to ourselves. There’s no better network than the one that connects us with our inside job.
xo,
jazz
P.S. Last week, I had the pleasure of doing a vegan takeover for the @explorerochester IG page, and I seriously had so much fun. I hope you check it out and give it some love!