Center Your Life Around Writing

Don't center your writing around your life.

When I was a kid, my grandmother used to tell me I’d be a writer. I know now how supportive that sounds (and it was), but at the time, it really annoyed me … because all I wanted to be was an actress (and because I was a bratty, emotional teenager). Theater is what I devoted my entire life to for as long as I could remember, so every time she told me I’d be a writer, I felt somehow dismissed—like she wasn’t listening to me.

When in reality, Grandma was seeing something within me that was still closed off to me. She was correct, as usual; it made so much more sense for me to center my life around the written word than anything else.

***

I was speaking with my friend Melanie Joy the other day—the great psychologist and author, most well-known for coining the term “carnism” and authoring the book: Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows—and within the scope of our call, she mentioned in passing that I should be sure to work my life around my writing instead of my writing around my life.

It was seriously the simplest statement, and yet it felt like one of those powerful moments when someone says something that you sort of already know, but for whatever reason, you were closed off to until this second … when it was said in exactly the right way and at exactly the right time—and then suddenly, there it is, and there you are.

And you know that all at once, everything changed.

As you probably know if you follow me here, I have a lot of moving parts (including actual moving parts since I am, once again, in the middle of moving). I thrive (and/or put myself through hell) when I’m working on multiple projects—as long as they are centered around animal rights and social justice. (And the occasional purchasing-of-candles.)

And though I’m a vehement proponent of carving out time to write each day, the truth is, I am best at following through when I am on deadline. In between deadlines is when I fall into problematic, inconsistent patterns. (Have you mastered this? If so, I’d love to know how! Please leave a comment!)

Wearing a ton of hats has its charms, but one of the less charming parts, for me, is that I can get too hung up on one thing and lose the thread of what really matters. Which, as Melanie reminded me during our conversation, is writing.

Even all these years later—and even all these years after she’s been gone—Grandma knows best.

One thing I struggle with is that I spread myself a bit too thin, partly because I never know what cool project to cut from my life. (I realize that nobody is feeling sorry for me right now.) As a result, I’ve had so many dynamic opportunities—work-wise, personally, and geographically. But it also means that it’s a bit too easy for me sometimes to de-prioritize the thing that’s most important to me.

Aside from an inability to choose just one lane, another reason we tend to de-prioritize that one thing we really want to do is just because we make it seem harder or bigger in our minds than it actually is. Life keeps us busy, we are used to our routines, and our screenplay can be written next year. Or in five years.

I decided to put this here today because I wanted to share this with anyone who also needs this reminder. Whether it’s writing or art or singing or violin practice or that screenplay you really want to write, you are allowed to prioritize the one thing that you love to do the most.

You are allowed to prioritize that dream you have, that skill you (sort of) have, that project you want to finish. You can build your life around it instead of the other way around.

Here are some tips to get there:

1. Announce your plans to your partner or family. If you explain that this is an important priority for you because you are setting a goal of finishing that screenplay (or whatever) within six months (or whatever) and you therefore need to work every morning from 6-8am (or … whatever), they will hopefully recognize how important it is to you to get it done. Tell them that you need your alone time during that chunk of the day; make that an unbending rule.

2. Schedule it out in your calendar. I find that if I block out some time in my day to prioritize the thing I most want to do (or, frankly, the thing I least want to do), then I do it. If it’s not in my calendar, it’s like it doesn’t exist. As an added trick, you can share your Google cal event with an accountability buddy so that you can keep each other on track.

3. Pay yourself first. That means that everything else—from tidying up the living room to doing last night’s dishes to sending a super-quick text—comes later, not now. Now, you play the viola. Repeat after me: Everything else can wait. Viola away!

4. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good. If you miss a day or a couple of days or a week of your project, just go back to it. If you’re feeling blocked, pretend you’re not feeling blocked. I promise that 10 minutes in, it will be like you had never stopped. (The same exact rule exists for going vegan.)

5. Remember that life is short. I don’t know about you, but I wile away so many hours doing the stupidest shit on earth sometimes: scrolling through IG like it’s going to love me back or playing video games on my phone that require me to watch the dumbest little movies which are surely deadening my soul a little at a time. The idea of my own, and your (sorry), mortality has been on my mind like never before (#pandemiclife), and I don’t want to spend it reading comments on the internet (except your comments … so pretty-please leave them below?). The only way to do what you want to do is to take it seriously. By doing so, you’re taking yourself seriously.

***

And if you don’t believe me, channel my grandma. Or channel your grandma. Channel someone’s grandma … or just channel Betty White. She’s kind of like The Grandma.

My grandma, by the way, was the person who taught me about self-love and self-respect in a profound way that still brings new layers to my life today. It’s the subject of my Tedx talk, which I’m shamelessly including below.

xo,

jazz